Excuse Me, Life!

Life brings with it times where we can't see the end of suffering. Experiences shape us; some more than others. Those moments you look back and see how far you've come in a year... after so many of them you start to realize time heals all. That's why as I sat in tears, lost, confused and feeling like there was no way out of the depression that consumed me a year ago - I reminisced about today.  Today is a beautiful day. A day where I can smile seeing how far I've come. I couldn't see today a year ago, but I held onto the hope that today would mean I made it. I overcame the misery even when I never saw it possible.  The long days and nights with no idea of how you're going to make it somehow lead you to the other side. It's a crazy beautiful thing - the strength of the heart. It's all about perspective ... looking at today a year ago gave me the hope to make it to today where I can look back at a year ago with more strength to take on this ...

Today I went on a nostalgic escape of the imagination after fighting the bitterness of a broken heart. I'm not sure what's more heartbreaking than believing in someone as they continue to prove you wrong. It's like watching hope die. I put on my dad's old high school class shirt from 1976. I cruised the back roads of the town where he grew up. I stopped for dinner at the root beer stand where they had old-time music playing. I tried so hard to just imagine his life and believing it was somehow more simple then. I quickly laughed imagining my kids doing the same thing in 25 years and being able to say, "no it wasn't more simple and it never gets easier."  Why is it that we have a way of reminiscing where everything is so much better back then, the "good ol' days?" Maybe  that's the only way the heart can keep going. It forgets the blemishes and holds on to the joy. The core of who we are wants to believe this life is ...

Call it a quarter-life crisis, but this year I've experienced, learned and grown more than any other time in my life. Losing my grandma has brought with it more than I ever could have imagined. So many questions about myself, life and the reality of my own mortality. That combined with what has been a long adjusting transition into the post-college real world - every perception was slowly shattered. Through a self-loathing struggle I realized I was trying to live a life according to rules and expectations created by others. When I let all of that go it put me on the path to finding myself. I've never felt more free, inspired or alive.  I'm 25, have a good career, but living with my parents and not saving money, preparing for retirement or getting married like everyone tells me to. I see it like this: I'm young, no mortgage, no kids... and most of all - tomorrow is never promised. I've made the choice to do things I've always wanted to do like travel...