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Behind the Smiles


Everyone seems to have it together – smiles and joy all around. Facebook might as well call the news feed a “highlight reel of happiness.” Is there a need for others to validate our happy moments? It’s a slippery slope when we start to compare and create a perception of how our lives should be. Why am I not married? Why does my boyfriend not post how much he loves me to the world? Why didn’t I get as much for Christmas?

I wonder what it would be like to see behind the smiles of all those happy-face posts.


I look so happy don’t I? In reality, that whole night I was incredibly depressed and crying because of a break up. It’s like that song by Rascal Flatts, Easy. “It’s easy going out on Friday night… I can smile, live it up… what he don’t know is how hard it is to make it look so easy.”

I understand wanting to share happiness but that can easily turn into seeking validation without even realizing it. Are we trying to convince others or ourselves that we are as happy as these moments portray us to be?

“In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me – naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken – nothing. It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude – a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work and my distractions, so I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something.” Henri Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

I’m convinced that the majority of us use distractions to run away from underlying problems. I’ve done it without even realizing it. Constantly running to distractions instead of walking through our situations only leads to a bigger mess of crap.

"Our calendars are filled with appointments, our days and weeks filled with engagements, and our years filled with plans and projects. There is seldom a period in which we do not know what to do, and we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time and rest to wonder if any of the things we think, say, or do are worth thinking, saying, or doing. We simply go along with the many "musts" and "oughts" that have been handed on to us." Henri Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

All of this doesn’t just exist in social media. How about in passing and the superficial “How are yous?” Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve. You could be out with your best friend and never know anything was wrong. If you ever start to feel like everyone around you has it all together, remember what could be behind the smiles.

Are you truly happy or are you filling life with distractions? That’s a question for deep reflection and solitude. Self-awareness is healthy and leads to true happiness. If you’re where I am as I preach to the choir – Quit running. Quit comparing. Try being selfish with your moments. After all, they are yours! 

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