Writing to Balance

I feel as if I'm processing at hyper speeds that my body cannot keep up with but my spirit says need not worry.

I let go to find this unexplainable peace that to the logical brain makes no sense because one must analyze and understand...

I begin to see beyond the labels society has tarnished with its judgements and concerns.

I wonder...

I explore...

If I stay here too long I fear I cannot be related to as merely a soul. I return to words in an attempt to communicate.

So here I am... writing for the balance of mind, body, soul.

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Uncensored: Losing My Faith

Losing my faith didn't happen overnight. It’s been a long process of self-loathing, tug of war, hot and cold, on and off. I remember conversations with friends who aren't believers. They didn't give me one solid reason why. I remember questioning them in shock and horror like wow I can’t believe you don’t believe. When they shared their arguments and questions I came back at them with what I call cliché sentiments of “religious spit.” THEM: So you’re saying anyone who doesn't believe that Jesus is the savior and acknowledges it devoting their life to serving Him will go to hell? All the people in the world, all the other religions are wrong. ME: Yes. That’s what the bible says and the bible is truth. THEM: Why do you believe the bible is truth? It was written centuries ago by MAN, parts of it left out and translated over time. ME: Well yes God spoke through men to write it. I said all of those things because that’s what I was surrounded by and heard my whole l...

Behind the Smiles

Everyone seems to have it together – smiles and joy all around. Facebook might as well call the news feed a “highlight reel of happiness.” Is there a need for others to validate our happy moments? It’s a slippery slope when we start to compare and create a perception of how our lives should be. Why am I not married? Why does my boyfriend not post how much he loves me to the world? Why didn’t I get as much for Christmas? I wonder what it would be like to see behind the smiles of all those happy-face posts. I look so happy don’t I? In reality, that whole night I was incredibly depressed and crying because of a break up. It’s like that song by Rascal Flatts, Easy. “It’s easy going out on Friday night… I can smile, live it up… what he don’t know is how hard it is to make it look so easy.” I understand wanting to share happiness but that can easily turn into seeking validation without even realizing it. Are we trying to convince others or ourselves that we are as h...

What is church?

"Wait, you go to church?" Interesting to take note of the comments people make when they learn that I go to church. I still almost don't believe myself when I say I go to church. Never thought I'd step foot back in one let alone openly share that I go. I wouldn't want someone thinking I'm a judgmental, double-standard hypocrite! What made me return to church? THE PEOPLE! Meeting awesome people in my every day life who happened to be part of a church. I suppose if they were part of a bowling league this post would be talking about how I now bowl... They didn't have Christian jargon coming out of their mouth every other sentence. If that were the case my church PTSD would have shut the door immediately. Their Instagram feeds showed real life rather than it being full of long prayers, scriptures and shots of their bible next to their coffee. They openly drank, said a curse word every now and then, made perverted jokes for fun... I mean th...

Excuse Me, Life!

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