So
here we are. Another year has passed. Like a caterpillar struggling in a cocoon
as it grows to become a beautiful butterfly, 2013 brought me great growth and
true happiness.
I was bound by a religious upbringing that had conditioned me to think a certain way and forced me in a particular direction. I allowed the fears imploded by religion to steal my freedom of independent thinking. It turned into a self-loathing struggle of which way was right and how to avoid being damned to “hell.”
I was challenged to rebuild my belief system and values. Overwhelmed by the diversity of this world, I felt lost and unsure of who I was or what I believed. I was afraid to draw one conclusion about life and all its questions – what if I was wrong? I felt fear and anxiety in uncertainty. It was a battle of thoughts versus feelings where every essence of my being longed for certainty and truth that could no longer be found in my religious upbringing.
So the search began, in many forms – I traveled the world, read books, met new people, had several conversations. My thoughts started to burst out of control. I slowed down to realize all thought is based on the past as a response to experience and knowledge stored as memory. Once I was able to let go of all that was in the past my cocoon began to crack open. Growth cannot take place through mere reasoning and discussions. Growth happens only when you feel intensely – when your thoughts and your feelings find harmony amongst each other.
It was only with an open mind that I was able to see beauty in everything. I was able to see beyond the labels of society, religion, and politics. It was then that I was no longer overwhelmed by diversity and discovered the parallels in labels. I was drawn to things that I identified with like psychology and philosophy. Basic psychology tells us that we can achieve if we believe – there is power in the mind. In that I can connect thoughts to what Christians call prayer to what others might call meditation. So why does just one have to be right? Labels of society are driven by enticements, by beliefs, by substitutes. In that there is only an illusion of happiness and truth.
What is happiness? What is truth?
For some it is the identification with a particular dogma, political or religious belief. Maybe it is in the reminiscing of experiences we’ve known, in love once shared.
For me – it is an open mind, without fear, freed from illusion, always seeking growth through the harmony of my present thoughts and feelings not blemished by anything of the past. And so my heart is full, that I may not judge, but love and accept all that is – the world and its abundant diversity.
“To be free of all authority, of your own and that of
another, is to die to everything of yesterday, so that your mind is always
fresh, always young, innocent, full of vigor and passion. It is only in that
state that one learns and observes. And for this, a great deal of awareness is
required, actual awareness of what is going on inside yourself, without
correcting it or telling it what it should or should not be, because the moment
you correct it you have established another authority, a censor.” -Jiddu
Krishnamurti
I was bound by a religious upbringing that had conditioned me to think a certain way and forced me in a particular direction. I allowed the fears imploded by religion to steal my freedom of independent thinking. It turned into a self-loathing struggle of which way was right and how to avoid being damned to “hell.”
I was challenged to rebuild my belief system and values. Overwhelmed by the diversity of this world, I felt lost and unsure of who I was or what I believed. I was afraid to draw one conclusion about life and all its questions – what if I was wrong? I felt fear and anxiety in uncertainty. It was a battle of thoughts versus feelings where every essence of my being longed for certainty and truth that could no longer be found in my religious upbringing.
So the search began, in many forms – I traveled the world, read books, met new people, had several conversations. My thoughts started to burst out of control. I slowed down to realize all thought is based on the past as a response to experience and knowledge stored as memory. Once I was able to let go of all that was in the past my cocoon began to crack open. Growth cannot take place through mere reasoning and discussions. Growth happens only when you feel intensely – when your thoughts and your feelings find harmony amongst each other.
It was only with an open mind that I was able to see beauty in everything. I was able to see beyond the labels of society, religion, and politics. It was then that I was no longer overwhelmed by diversity and discovered the parallels in labels. I was drawn to things that I identified with like psychology and philosophy. Basic psychology tells us that we can achieve if we believe – there is power in the mind. In that I can connect thoughts to what Christians call prayer to what others might call meditation. So why does just one have to be right? Labels of society are driven by enticements, by beliefs, by substitutes. In that there is only an illusion of happiness and truth.
What is happiness? What is truth?
For some it is the identification with a particular dogma, political or religious belief. Maybe it is in the reminiscing of experiences we’ve known, in love once shared.
For me – it is an open mind, without fear, freed from illusion, always seeking growth through the harmony of my present thoughts and feelings not blemished by anything of the past. And so my heart is full, that I may not judge, but love and accept all that is – the world and its abundant diversity.
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