Excuse Me, Life!

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Surviving Labels

So many labels... Everyone searching for an identity... a way to find a sense of belonging. Or the labels people place on us so they can somehow make sense of us. The very thing we use to relate to one another also divides us. An important distinction: the label itself isn't what divides us... rather, it's our judgements about the label. The thing I can't stand about labels... they put us in a box. We automatically cut ourselves off from experiences that can be magical. We miss out on connecting with incredible people. We rob ourselves from truly seeing and being with others. To think that I almost passed on my husband because he used the word universe, was into stones, Buddha and astrology. Things the traditional church programmed me to have judgements towards. The more I open my mind to see beyond my own judgements and thoughts about certain labels... the more I realize how often labels get in our way... the more more I ask myself, "Are we all re...

Writing to Balance

I feel as if I'm processing at hyper speeds that my body cannot keep up with but my spirit says need not worry. I let go to find this unexplainable peace that to the logical brain makes no sense because one must analyze and understand... I begin to see beyond the labels society has tarnished with its judgements and concerns. I wonder... I explore... If I stay here too long I fear I cannot be related to as merely a soul. I return to words in an attempt to communicate. So here I am... writing for the balance of mind, body, soul.

What is church?

"Wait, you go to church?" Interesting to take note of the comments people make when they learn that I go to church. I still almost don't believe myself when I say I go to church. Never thought I'd step foot back in one let alone openly share that I go. I wouldn't want someone thinking I'm a judgmental, double-standard hypocrite! What made me return to church? THE PEOPLE! Meeting awesome people in my every day life who happened to be part of a church. I suppose if they were part of a bowling league this post would be talking about how I now bowl... They didn't have Christian jargon coming out of their mouth every other sentence. If that were the case my church PTSD would have shut the door immediately. Their Instagram feeds showed real life rather than it being full of long prayers, scriptures and shots of their bible next to their coffee. They openly drank, said a curse word every now and then, made perverted jokes for fun... I mean th...

An Old Me Came to Visit

Here I am, back writing after four years... revisiting a Lauren from THEN who lived a lie that went something like this: "I can't be me... If I show struggle, If I ask the hard questions... I'll be told stupid things that don't make sense. Just fake it so they leave you alone, save yourself the confusion of never getting it." Having been raised in the church I observed how others talked, acted, their testimonies... I would try so hard to find anything that resembled that in my life... I started to believe my own faking and craved experiences to validate what I so badly did not understand deep down. It became a game of forcing scenarios, everything from thinking God told me this... to God gave me this... look at me, look at me... I'm such a good example of Christ! These were my explanations when I got laid off from my first job out of college in 2011 and unwillingly returned to Dayton. The scariest part -- I believed it. Before I knew it I had created ...

2013: A Year of Growth & Happiness

So here we are. Another year has passed. Like a caterpillar struggling in a cocoon as it grows to become a beautiful butterfly, 2013 brought me great growth and true happiness. I was bound by a religious upbringing that had conditioned me to think a certain way and forced me in a particular direction. I allowed the fears imploded by religion to steal my freedom of independent thinking. It turned into a self-loathing struggle of which way was right and how to avoid being damned to “hell.” I was challenged to rebuild my belief system and values. Overwhelmed by the diversity of this world, I felt lost and unsure of who I was or what I believed. I was afraid to draw one conclusion about life and all its questions – what if I was wrong? I felt fear and anxiety in uncertainty. It was a battle of thoughts versus feelings where every essence of my being longed for certainty and truth that could no longer be found in my religious upbringing. So the search began, ...

Break the Cycle

At some point in life we are all likely to find ourselves in an unhealthy relationship or situation. The lows make you want to find freedom but the highs keep you coming back for more. The constant back and forth can go on for so long that it becomes a way of life. At what point do you break the cycle and find a way out? These are just a few things that I had to learn the hard way through these unhealthy life experiences… Love yourself. Can you tell a difference in your attitude, behavior or health? Sometimes it’s so bad that your answer is no. This is when you need to listen to those close to you. You could be in so deep that you’ve accepted things as they are, as if they’re supposed to be that way. Love yourself enough to be honest about seeing things the way they really are. Take off your rose colored glasses. You deserve more! Find patterns. After so long things can become a blur. The inner turmoil is agonizing with all the mixed feelings. Sometimes...